I need to find the motivation to work out

I'm not fat.

Let me start all of this off with that, because someone will get all high and mighty with me.

I know I am not fat, but that doesn't make me happy with myself. Also, there is nothing wrong with me not being happy with myself. I regard femininity as something more than stick thin models fighting over a cheese cube because they haven't eaten in a week. So before anyone shakes me, and asks if I need rehab, y'all chill....

I just want to get fit. That's all. I want to feel better about myself, but it's more than just exercise. It's about cleaner eating, and healthy lifestyle choices as well. I think I just need the right head space to get all this done, and I defiantly need to start cooking at home more.

Luckily my fiancé's grandparents own a little plot that we get organic veggies from (that are fabulous let me tell you) and we try to incorporate them into meals as often as possible. I also drink my breakfast in the morning, which I've been doing for a few months now. I really like having a protein shake, because then I'm not tempted to eat a crappy McDonald's breakfast or snack on a pastry that's calorie laden. Plus, I'm hungry for lunch and dinner at appropriate times which deters me from eating past 7 P.M.

So how am I going to remedy this jiggly-ness? I'm going to take a page from Ellen and I'm going to start dancing. I know that sounds incredibly silly, and I'm not paying for a Zumba class so that leaves the mind to wonder. What the hell am I talking about? Legitimate dance, is what. Yes, people I'm going to dance around for exercise.

I know... I know... You all are probably picking up your phones to dial MHMR to come and pick me up, because it sounds outright loony. I get it, but I was reading a blog about exercise and it said to turn it into something you enjoy. Well.... I enjoy dancing, and so I'm gonna dance the weight off dammit! I am hoping that it will become something fun for me to look forward too, plus the dogs really get a kick out of it when I'm active. They get super playful and silly. The whole house will dance! I swear it!

So, I'm going to start today. I'm thrilled, and I hope this is something that will motivate me into maybe something more strenuous, or at least help me shed a few pounds here and there.

Wish me luck!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

I was going to do a True Blood post, but I figured since my last blog was about Supernatural I'd leave it alone for now.

This week I was going to talk about myself is a sort of analyzed way. I don't really know if that makes sense, but I've been spending a lot of time with my thoughts, and so I was just going to write about it.

Let me just say that whole "You're your own worst enemy" is something that plagues my life on the daily, and not that it's a bad thing all the time but I am very hard on myself. I have always been, and I'm sure I will always be this way. It is ultimately who I am. I am forgiving to other's should they warrant it, but I am quick to anger and slow to forget. My maturity on any given day seems to change with the seasons. I am weird. There is no way around it.

Physically I am not happy with myself, but I've realized that this is something I need to change. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to start training for marathons, but  healthy exercise is something I probably should look into. I have always thought of myself as plain. Plain Jane. I refer back to it in my taste for simple foods, and in the way I dress. I don't wear makeup, which is a choice I made. All in all I wish a had a better mental state when it comes to myself. Obviously, I don't think I'm ugly so that's a plus, but I'm not the next Iman and I don't want to be. I'm just average.

But those thoughts really don't mean a whole lot by themselves. If anything, they make me look like a really insecure person with poor self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I probably am those things to an extent, but I'm sure everyone is at one point in their life or another. It's human nature to want to be liked and loved, and so we worry about shit that's not worth fretting over. So where do my strengths lie? What gives me peace of mind, and what makes me happy? Where is my contentment if I'm just a ball of "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" turmoil?

Cooking. I love cooking. There is something so serene about cooking, and there is fulfillment in feeding others. I realized this on Monday night when I was trying out a new recipe, and somehow it managed to come out looking perfect. Most of what I make is stick-to-your-ribs, southern style comforts. It's not always pretty, but it sure is delicious! Anyway, I just stared at my dish. It was lovely. Did I do that? Did I manage to make something that looked so beautiful, but would also be satisfying to the stomach? I was in awe of the feeling that washed over me, and I thought "Wow this is for me". I don't mean it as I'm quitting school and running away to chase my culinary dreams, but I love this skill that I have. Plus, it's a good skill set. I can fend for myself, and provide meals for a family. There is no downside to love to cook.

The picture doesn't do it justice.....

The best part of cooking is the love. The love that goes into cooking is what makes things successful. I don't care who you are and what you think you know, but food that is made with love is real and it's the best! I'm sure it was what I was feeling while looking at my dish. All of the love poured into it was staring at me, and it was perfect.

I'm sure that didn't make any sense at all, but thanks for reading my ramblings....

Until next time~

I've been watching Supernatural.....

Sorry about last week. I got sick, which means I was also lazy. I just don't feel like doing much when I don't feel good, and mindless TV is good when you don't feel good.


From Jared to Misha... Too presh! Swoon city

So I started watching Supernatural, which I used to watch once upon a time with my last fiancé (who is obviously now my ex-fiancé). I have always liked the show, plus when you have Jensen Ackles eye candy you can't really complain. Yes! I am a Dean lover. It gives me the giggles, because Sam fits my 'type' (you know tall, dark, handsome, and broody) but there is something about that womanizing letch that is Dean Winchester that I can't quite put my finger on. Gotta' love a bad boy I suppose.

Well now that I got all that out of my system lets talk about how Supernatural pertains to my life, because that's what I really want to talk about! I see a lot of similarities in my friendship with my very best friend, and the relationship that Sam and Dean have. Obviously, were not out hunting demons, ghosts, or other things that go bump in the night, but the way we care about each other and the dialogue seem to parallel in a positive way.

Are you curious who is who? Like you even have to ask. She is the Dean to my Sam, of course! I feel like I identify with Sam, because most of my life has some how been on a weird road to self destruction. I mean.... Not always, but I obsess over things, and I'm INCREDIBLY dramatic about EVERYTHING. I am always questioning what people are doing, or even what the hell I'm doing.  More often than not I do weird things, and have a love for all things terribly macabre.  I'm also just awkward.... Y'all I am so awkward. Awkward dresser, conversationalist, and my body is just awkward.

My best friend is more Dean than she knows (Only cause she hasn't started watching the show yet!). From the clothing to the Zeppelin love, she is Dean through and through. The best part about this though is that she watches out for me when I'm too busy worrying about everything else. So in that sense she is the older sister I have always needed. She cares about me, and isn't afraid to be honest with me. Even though we don't live in the same city anymore, her opinion is one that I value over most other's and if I have an issue that needs a special kind of advice I always turn to her. Plus, aside from my fiancé she's been the best roommate I've ever had EVER.

I think another thing that makes our friendship work is that even though we are VASTLY DIFFERENT we still have a lot of similarities as far as likes and interests go. That, and we are more than happy to expose one another to things that we're not familiar with. What is a friend unless they push you out of your comfort zone?

I just love her a lot. I hope that our friendship will be one that stands the test of time. She is defiantly the silliest person I know, and she's very encouraging. I think that we are good for one another, and I am undoubtedly blessed to have such an amazing friend in my life!

P.S. She has a blog too, and it's hilarious. I'll share it next time she posts. :)