I've been watching Supernatural.....

Sorry about last week. I got sick, which means I was also lazy. I just don't feel like doing much when I don't feel good, and mindless TV is good when you don't feel good.


From Jared to Misha... Too presh! Swoon city

So I started watching Supernatural, which I used to watch once upon a time with my last fiancé (who is obviously now my ex-fiancé). I have always liked the show, plus when you have Jensen Ackles eye candy you can't really complain. Yes! I am a Dean lover. It gives me the giggles, because Sam fits my 'type' (you know tall, dark, handsome, and broody) but there is something about that womanizing letch that is Dean Winchester that I can't quite put my finger on. Gotta' love a bad boy I suppose.

Well now that I got all that out of my system lets talk about how Supernatural pertains to my life, because that's what I really want to talk about! I see a lot of similarities in my friendship with my very best friend, and the relationship that Sam and Dean have. Obviously, were not out hunting demons, ghosts, or other things that go bump in the night, but the way we care about each other and the dialogue seem to parallel in a positive way.

Are you curious who is who? Like you even have to ask. She is the Dean to my Sam, of course! I feel like I identify with Sam, because most of my life has some how been on a weird road to self destruction. I mean.... Not always, but I obsess over things, and I'm INCREDIBLY dramatic about EVERYTHING. I am always questioning what people are doing, or even what the hell I'm doing.  More often than not I do weird things, and have a love for all things terribly macabre.  I'm also just awkward.... Y'all I am so awkward. Awkward dresser, conversationalist, and my body is just awkward.

My best friend is more Dean than she knows (Only cause she hasn't started watching the show yet!). From the clothing to the Zeppelin love, she is Dean through and through. The best part about this though is that she watches out for me when I'm too busy worrying about everything else. So in that sense she is the older sister I have always needed. She cares about me, and isn't afraid to be honest with me. Even though we don't live in the same city anymore, her opinion is one that I value over most other's and if I have an issue that needs a special kind of advice I always turn to her. Plus, aside from my fiancé she's been the best roommate I've ever had EVER.

I think another thing that makes our friendship work is that even though we are VASTLY DIFFERENT we still have a lot of similarities as far as likes and interests go. That, and we are more than happy to expose one another to things that we're not familiar with. What is a friend unless they push you out of your comfort zone?

I just love her a lot. I hope that our friendship will be one that stands the test of time. She is defiantly the silliest person I know, and she's very encouraging. I think that we are good for one another, and I am undoubtedly blessed to have such an amazing friend in my life!

P.S. She has a blog too, and it's hilarious. I'll share it next time she posts. :)

Women are embarrassing

You see that title ladies? I'm talk about you this week. YES YOU! It's about to get as judge-y as a toddler girl's pageant up in this blog. I am sorry it had to come to this, but you brought it on yourselves. You're a bunch of wonton divas.....

 I can already hear the panties dropping... *shudder*

You ladies remember this CONVICT? Jeremy Meeks. Recently he was arrested for the third time. I'm not sure if you read that, or if you were drooling over that jail bait so I'll reiterate it: THIRD TIME. Anyway, his mug shot went viral and basically he's know as "That hot convict guy" or at least this is how I refer to him. Of course, the meme's are a'flowing which is awesome for me, because I can get a good laugh at this guy's expense.

This one seriously gets me. I thought I was going to pee my pants.

You heffa's went wild, and I don't know how many girls on my news feed swooned over that face. (I'm sorry I'm outing you, but seriously?). 14,000+ comments on this guy's mug shot, and for what? He's attractive? Let's just brush off the eleven felony charges he has hanging over his head, or the eleven years he's already spent in prison. One woman even said that someone should get him a modeling career, and we as Americans should help him. Um no... I don't feel the need to be responsible for this douche.

Searching 'Thirsty' is hilarious.

Where is my help with college? Where is my career after I graduate? Is America going to provide that for me? Fuck no! Then why should I give this Knucklehead a chance? Just because he's hot? This is seriously laughable. Because this guy is attractive he should be allotted everything in life despite his rap sheet? I don't think so. Now, I'm not saying that because this guy is a criminal he forfeits basic rights as a citizen. I'm saying HE SHOULD NOT BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE YOU THINK HE LOOKS GOOD. Keep it in your fucking pants. I'm sure he'd stab you in the neck and run off with all your money in two seconds flat, and then you have no one to blame but yourself.

He's a known member of the Crips. A gang member. I'm sure he did something horrible to someone to earn that tear drop, and for a pretty face it's all okay? I just don't understand. There are guys who would lay down their lives for you, and you're spending time salivating over a man who beat up a 16 year old kid. You should be ashamed. This is a disgrace. It makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

P.S. He is married so you don't have to slip on your negligee when you go for a conjugal visit.

P.P.S. Thirsty means desperate..... Just in case you're not familiar with ebonics.

I'm off my soap box. Until next time~

Updates: Three Big Things

Hello everyone! I survived Junior Year! Now I'm going into my senior year, and then big girl life starts which is terrifying!!! Also, I have fallen in love with the exclamation point, which I'm sure I used a million times in my old posts. However, the love has grown like an annoying tumor pressing on my excitement gland! That's a thing, right?

Anyway, I am alive and well and I want to get back into the swing of things. Hopefully I can set aside being lazy and actually start updating on Wednesdays again. So before we get into more craziness I have some updates to share with you all.

1. We moved to a nice apartment

The Hatman and I on the stairs of our loft.

I only posted one blog after we moved, and I never actually mentioned moving as far as I know. I love our new place! It's a loft (so chic) and there is a lot more room. My fiancé (I'll get to that in a sec) and I are not clambering over each other to get to places in the house, and the best part is.... NO MORE LEAKY ROOF! Hah! It's the best perk of the whole place! I never feel like my ceiling is going to fall in on me. Honestly, everything about this place is better, except for our weird neighbors. Can't win them all I guess....

2. We got a new dog

She's not quite sure how to dog....

 This is sort of a bitter sweet thing. We rescued a Lab/Golden Retriever mix in February. Her name is Raven and she's just over a year old. This dog is a pain in my rear.... I'm more than willing to bet that she's not all there mentally, because she does just the strangest things and her mannerisms are very particular. She has made a relatively good addition to our little family, and we do love her very much even if she's constantly touching you no matter what you're doing. Always touching you. Always.... I really don't think you understand when I say 'always'.

3. I got engaged

Dis' be my rock.

My boyfriend asked me to marry him when we were on vacation in Austin! It was really sweet and private. He asked me at the Zilker Park Botanical Gardens. It was beautiful, and he was nervous and shaking the whole time. I cried like a baby for about twenty minutes. It was kind of funny, because we couldn't find the gardens at first. It took us an hour before we finally figured out that our GPS is half retarded. Anyway, I was SO HANGRY by the time we got there, and I was in the worst mood. He did a really good job of turning it around. I'm sure slapping a ring on any girl's finger would make them forget all their troubles for a moment or two. Plus, he took to me to swanky restaurant for lunch where they make their own home brew. I am very excited to start a new chapter with him, and be Mrs. Holland!

So anyway, those are the three big things that have happened since I last had the time and the brain power to blog. I am very excited to get into this again! I always miss being creative, or sharing my thoughts. I apologize for the lack of witty metaphors and what not, but I promise I'll bring my 'A' game next time. This was more about catching up with my life....

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

A Touchy Subject

So I've already given the warning via Bekah the Blogger? about the topic this week, and I know that it might cause some backlash, but this is my blog and my opinion.

Now, with the recent events and the loss of a friend, I just figured I'd share my opinion on Suicide. I WILL NOT be talking about this person. There is no need to dig into those wounds, but this will shed a little more light on my life and the person that I am today.

So this is your last chance to turn back.....

For the few of you who know me outside of work or have grown up with me, more than likely know about my past and know that I am a victim of suicide. Now, obviously, I didn't commit it, but I lost my father as a very young child. I've had to deal with that every day of my life, and so from there I've formed my own opinions about someone taking their own life.

I'm not saying I'm not guilty of those awful thoughts, and for a long time I suffered from depression. The best part of that, is that you can't get any worse emotionally than where you are, so all progress, if any is usually positive, unless you make that fatal choice.

But, I digress....

Suicide, to me, is an extremely selfish act. People do not realize the kind of pain they inflict on those around them when they take their own lives. Often, they think that the world would be better without them, but it's worse. I have to admit, that I'm fairly calloused to the notion, and I have no tolerance for it. It's not even something that I shed tears over anymore, because it just lights a fire inside my heart. And, for those of you suffering, my heart hurts FOR YOU, but only for you, because seeing you all in pain is something that could have been prevented.

I remember being a child and having so many questions. Attending your father's funeral is not something you plan to do until you are much much older. I'm sure you all have questions too, and you feel helpless. I know I did. I didn't understand why he didn't just reach out and ask for help. It's as easy as that for some us. I am so thankful for my mother. She has really been nurturing about it, and did her best to explain these concepts to a child who had life sucker punch them.

I feel like as humans we ask ourselves why we didn't notice there was an issue before, but I can speak from experience, there are rarely signs. We all know that people go through hard times, and we understand that, but at the end of the day the majority of us would never think to go the extreme and just end it all. I think we carry some guilt with us to after these things happen. We always kick ourselves, and ask "Why didn't I answer that phone call? Was I really that busy?" or "Why didn't I check in more often? Why didn't I try harder?" Don't carry that with you. It's not your fault. You did what you could, and you should take solace in that.

I can also say that suicide is premeditated for the most part. People just don't go and off their selves all willy nilly. I know when I was going through my rough period that it was always on my mind. It was always there in the back of my head like a friendly reminder. Granted, now I just look at it as a cop out, at the time it just seemed like a backup plan. I remember I went to school with a girl who always made 'attempts' and I used to loathe her with every fiber of my being, because I'm sure it was just for the mounds of attention she'd get when she got back to school. I think I may of told her once, that if she really wanted to do it, it would be over with. Mind you, this was during my dark days, so seeing her act like a dumb ass didn't sit well with me.

I also think that this isn't something we need to be sharing on social media. I understand that you all are sad, and you are hurting. I know you want to get feelings out, and reach out to one another, but do it in real life. This is the time where we see who loves who. Not only that, but you will be dealing with the nosy fucks who don't care about you're feelings. They're just in it for the juicy gossip, and the drama of the moment. Trust me when I say you don't want to explain the situation to them, and it's none of their fucking business anyway. It is a private business. It is OUR business. Keep it safe.

Now that I've sort of vented, let me end on the small positive note that comes with death. Death brings us together. We may have holes in our hearts, but we fill them with the love and community that sprouts in the ashes that the wildfire of death brings. I love you all very much, and again it bring me to tears to see you all hurting so bad. But, know that I am here for you, just like my mother was there for me.

So keep your head up. The days will get better. They always do. If you are hurting, ask for help. Someone will always be there when you fall.

It's been a while...

Hey folks! Hope you are all doing well. I am, for the most part. Right now I've been at home by myself for about twelve hours so I'm going a little stir crazy, but that's neither here nor there.

I know that on Christmas Eve I posted on my Facebook page about needing your support, and what not, and I still do, but not as much as I thought I did.

On Christmas Eve, someone I know, and don't respect in the least completely ripped off one of my paintings. I was devastated, and I felt alone, because I felt like no one understood how naked I felt. I was so angry at this person for taking something from me that is irreplaceable in my mind. My muse, inspirations, and ideas are what I am as a painter. It's what sets all of us apart in the art world. I love, respect, and envy my best friend and her talents, but I would NEVER completely take something from her and claim it as my own.

My feelings were hurt, and I was extremely disappointed in this person. I welcomed them into my home, and for a time I actually thought we may be friends. I was clearly mistaken. Friends do not do this to each other, granted by the time this happened she was off fucking up her life way more than it already needed. I think I am also disappointed, because as a fellow "Artist" she should have enough respect for me not to do something like this. Whatever. At the end of the day, I'm not a liar and a thief so I can rest easy knowing that I don't feign Christianity and then act like a complete jackass.

I do have to thank those of you who were happy to support me, and do not tolerate this nonsense. I also have to thank my best friend for her guidance, because if it wasn't for her I would have been shamelessly petty and threatened this girl with every fiber of my being. I mean who doesn't like telling someone how much they'd love to light them on fire, and watch their skin melt, like so many candles? Just me? Alight.... Anyway, she was my clarity in my moment of homicidal rampage. Last but certainly not least, I have to thank my wonderful boyfriend. When I got back into town I had him compare the paintings and all he could say is "Wow her's really sucks. You have way more talent than she does." Maybe it was this justification that made me realize that no matter what she does and who she steals from, it will never be good or genuine.

Other than that I had a really great Christmas. It was the first time I was able to travel for the holidays in five years, and the first Christmas I've been able to spend with my family in three years. Totally worth it. I love my family, and I wouldn't trade them for anything!

Have a great week!

For the love of a girl....

Hey guys! I'm not having the greatest week, but I still wanted to share something that makes me so happy it brings me to tears.

I guess it's a little insight into my life, and it's a part of me I am happy to share.

I'm sure a lot of you have pets or have had pets in the past, and there is always a bond there. It's like taking care of a child, watching them grow, and then giving them the best viking funeral you possibly can. It's always hard to watch them go, and it never gets easier. They become your family, your babies.

So anyway, once upon a time my ex fiance wanted a dog. I already had a dog, but he wanted one of his own. I would never object to that, after all, I love animals, and Sweet Baby Jesus I love me some puppies.

We ended up getting a little Bull Terrier, and she was a little stubborn turd, but I loved her all the same. She was so misunderstood, and nobody really seemed to like her, including my ex. I thought that was comical, because he spent so much money on her, and didn't even want her. We bonded though, and I blessed her with the name Neely. It means "The Victor", and it was so fitting.

I always used to feel so bad, because she didn't get dealt the right hand in life. She was rejected by her mother, because she was the runt, and her siblings turned on her and attacked her as well. Her front legs were covered in scabs when we brought her home. Matt never loved her, and let her fall the wayside, and her training was never a priority. She was a whole lot to handle, but despite all of these things, she was sweet and she was my girl.

When shit hit the fan in my relationship she was always there for me, and when we made it out on the other side I was so happy she was with me. She reminded me of myself at the time, because we had both been so abused and put down. We didn't know how to act normal, and we were both so neurotic. She never quite made it out of that mentally, but it was fine, because when I did I was happy to love her as she was.

As time went on, I made friends who didn't quite understand her, but they grew to love her anyway. Looking back on it, those moments were so touching, and those friends have no idea the kind of impact they made on me, on her, and on us.

Probably one of the worst days of my life is when she passed away. She was only two years old, and I felt like I had failed her. I carried so much guilt, and heartache. I remember it was on Valentines day, and now it seems so fitting. She had so much love to give, and there was so much love and support given to me on that day. I felt like I knew the true meaning of the Holiday.

So now that I've rambled on about my dog, I'll post the only picture that will be on this blog this week.

I got a tattoo of my girl, of the sweetest girl I've ever known. I cried for ten minutes afterwords, because I was so happy. It is amazing, and by far the best tattoo I've ever gotten. I love it, and I love her. She was the best. Thank you for reading.

Have a great rest of the week.

Good Vibrations: Don Jon Chat Session

Hey lovlies! It's been a while since I've updated, and I wholeheartedly apologize.

Basically my life is so incredibly hectic. I'm assuming it will be this way until I'm done with college. The big leagues are no joke! So with that being said, I'm going to update when I can. This is sort of a hiatus, but if I have time and inspiration I will totally share my insight with you all!!! I know, I know. I'm awesome. You're welcome.

Now, with that out of the way we can talk about Don Jon... Beyond this point is spoilers, so don't read if you don't want to know. You have been warned.

This movie is a soft core porno... Plain and simple, but it's a good soft core porno. If you don't know what I mean by 'soft core', I mean there is no private parts. Everything is insinuated, and unless you're completely brain dead, you understand that everyone is 'doing the do' in this movie.

Sir Ian keeps it classy.

 I loved it. Maybe I'm just easy to please, and yes if you put eye candy like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in front of me, I'm going to swoon and be overcome with the vapors or whatever. He is a dimebrizzle! Goodness me.

My overies.... 10/10 would trade glasses with. (He wears glasses. Even cuter)

Alright alright... Let's all calm down here... Or we'll just talk about Scarlett Johansson! She is my lady crush. She has her septum pierced. We were made to be friends! Bahaha, but seriously I was so sad she played such a BITCH. Ugh she looked like a hood rat the whole duration of the movie. Where is the sweet woman I fell in love with? Oh yeah.... It's a movie. Whatever, y'all I was really enthralled in this flick. It was awesome. I hated her though... Barbara... GTFO with your attitude, you freaking Jersey Diva.

I juss wanna be frans.

One thing I will say is, I love how they advertised this movie as one for 'our generation', which I guess is where I categorize myself? I related really well with the characters, even if I didn't have a porn addiction, or some other crazy lifestyle. It was all just so familiar, and maybe that's why I loved it so much. I could easily feel how the characters felt, and I could apply my life to theirs.

Lmao for real though.... My poor mom....

My heart cries out to Jon, and the life long quest he is going through to find out who he his. I feel like it speaks to every person who has gone through a relationship. Sometimes these things that happen can make a better person out of you. There is always room to grow, and gain knowledge from your mistakes, and that's exactly what he did.

I loved when he had epiphanies in the Catholic confessional. There was something about the discoveries in himself that were so real. Again, this puppy is full of things that make you think about yourself.

Thank the internet for memes!

I loved Julianne Moore (She plays Esther). Oh my gosh she was a riot. She was a mentor in my mind. There was the nurturing aspect, although I will admit that I knew her and Jon were going to do the nasty as soon as she made her appearance. It was predictable. Sorry JGL! It's your first movie to write and direct. We'll let it slide this time. ;) However, I think that she is his turning point. She makes Jon strive to be better than what he is, but she's not pushy about it. She guides with a gentle hand, which is how most people like it. Don't tell them what to do... Help them along the way!

Hey eyes looked a little creepy in the movie, but she cried a lot so maybe that's why?

The ending left me feeling melancholy. It's not that the ending was sad, but it was more a bitter sweet feeling. Those endings are always strange. They seem to stick with me the longest, and make the biggest impact. I honestly wasn't ready for the movie to be over. I was yearning to follow this character throughout the span of his life and see how everything turned out. I just wanted him to be okay, because if he could go through what felt like hell (to him) then why can't any of us?

Best cake ever....

Go watch it. I'm probably going to watch it again. Unf... Don't take your mother to see this movie!!! You have to be comfortable with lots of boobs and moaning. Just FYI.

I cannot contain myself!!!!!!

Have a great rest of the week. AMERICAN HORROR STORY STARTS TONIGHT! I wait all year for that series. It consumes my life.

P.S. I'm sick. Life sucks, and string cheese does not taste near as good coming up as it did going down.